Jen Wang
grl mnstr
grl draw pick-up truck in shape of white boy
crayon snap clean from how hard she press
grl’s mom tell her be gentle with her hands
they callous anyway anyway
callous wonder why grl didn’t listen
why she still grip tight those monkey bars
grl always listening
grl still hear her mother
an arsenal of blanks
steady enough to be white noise
but grl know to keep jumping
lion through flaming hoop
grl is wrong daughter
grl got two forearms to flay inside out
grl got stretch marks
grl got knife nails
grl slept with knife under pillow until age thirteen
age fourteen, grl met boy who dug an ocean for her
to drown in
but grl
don’t fill up that quick
grl perpetual one drink short of needing you
grl has mouth of east wind
grl got hips that cyclone
grl gave birth to winged monkeys
grl ate the afterbirth
grl ate the ice cream drenched molten strawberry
until grl’s mom tell her, don’t be pig
grl’s mom demand grl vomit her ugly
grl’s mom learn better than daughter
what it mean to be pretty, to not be monster
grl’s mom know where to shoot
cardboard cut-out daughter
right where
blood runs
grl’s mom is arsenal
but didn’t invent the firearm
someone else shot neighbor’s dog
and reload the shotglass
grl leave party with boy when home too far away
grl say she’s okay with his fingers curled inside, trying to coax her out
someone cocks a pistol, pulse on trigger
grl pulse shudder
grl choke on cock, keep him occupied
grl’s body not there when he wake
grl’s body not in her own body and she go retrieve herself
call herself bitch when she cannot play fetch
call herself tease when she don’t go back
call herself lease like he wanted her name
grl got no money for tattoo so she buy cigarettes
to remember that stark, that
acre-long burn on floor where grl scuffed herself out
maybe grl the drunkard her mother and driver’s ed instructor warned her about
maybe the storefront is waiting to be caved in by someone
who has no face but wears every mask
grl still looking for wanted posters
next sign of which dragon to slay
grl believe in monsters
grl believe in herself
grl made of monkey bars
grl got no wishbones in this body to snap
open
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grl mnstr was originally published in a zine “burn something”
Jen Wang is a teaching artist and mouth full of more mouths based in the twin cities.