Anthony Febo
my father is a country boy – I am a city kid
growing up he fell asleep to the coqui’s lullaby
and I to the crying of ambulances
he was raised with Spanish sprouting from his tongue
and I had English and Spanish mixing in my soiled mouth
and I couldn’t tell which language
was a flower or a weed
when he goes back home, he goes for a run
to see the people he knows will still be in the places he grew up
when I come home, I sit in my favorite coffee shop
and let the people I think might still be there say hi, if they remember me
we are similar in loving where we come from
but when my father smiles, you are welcomed into family
and I am still learning how to look people in the eye when I shake their hand
my father’s heart is less like a bloody knuckle after a bar fight, and more like the stitches used to heal the wound
I have never seen my father bleed
but I’ve seen his scars
proof that he has been opened
proof that time will heal, but remind you
of where you came from
my father trained in martial arts since before I was born
if my memory serves me correct
there is a picture of a newborn baby me in my father’s black belt uniform
proof that my father wanted me to continue fighting
if my memory serves me correct
when my father was nine
his dad lost his fight with Alzheimer’s
then three of my dad’s sisters
then his brother
then two more of his sisters
proof that some fights you can’t win
some scars you can’t see
my heart is less like the punch that breaks the board
and more like the scream that blocks the pain
the first time I asked my lover if she had seen a certain movie, and she said
yes I saw it with you
I laughed, although I wasn’t joking.
proof that humor is a good defense from scarring
proof that some fights are inherited
last night, I had to remind my father three times
that my dog and my cousin share the same name
and we laughed after each one
proof that laughter can hurt as much as a punch
proof that humor and tears can come from the same place
me and my father’s hearts
are less like the picture of us holding each other
when I finally became a black belt
and more like the promise I made him
I will never forget this moment, Dad
I will never stop fighting