Justice Ameer
***********Featured Staff Member************
nigga.
looking up “nigger” on dictionary.com
Usage alert
The term nigger is now probably the most offensive word in English.
good nigga.
and there ain’t no probably about it.
i grew up in a house
where nigger never meant endearment
nigger was my dad’s way of not apologizing after a fight
with all this freedom
he thought we might miss the whip
nigger always came out a muted tongue
an under-breath lashing
a means to turn our Black pride against itself
nigger brought white God in
to kick Black Jesus out
when a Black person calls another Black person
nigger
without the love
you can almost feel your ancestors
die again inside of you
i grew up hating every way to say nigger
the word sat like a hushed plantation brimming beneath my skin
my town was one where everyone could say it
as long as they used the proper -ga and the prefix my-
no one got questioned much, even the white kids
so i learned not to collapse at every mention of my lineage
i don’t remember clearly the first time
a white person called me nigger and meant it
i think i Blacked out
when nigga first made its way into my mouth
i don’t know who i betrayed more
but it felt like it must be treason
sporting a new-age branding-iron
even if my jaw could stomach the word
nigga was still nigger and no syllable would change that
and i spoke on it and fought about it
and i thought not liking a word
made me better than other niggas
my light skinned suburban ass really thought
i wasn’t just another nigga
like a different lexicon gave me more grace
and this is the real trick of whiteness
making a Black person condescend to another Black person
about the pain they’re both feeling
giving a Black person the language to scold another Black person
for the way they use language
now instead of white people using nigger against us
they got us arguing with each other over using it
fuck that.
this shit is for us. to only be used by us.
to find the beauty in nigga
i started looking at my people
and stop looking down on my people
i found that nigga holds a history
there’s a glottal unbirthing in nigga
an acknowledgement of the pain we have endured and are still enduring
a sorrow that’s lifted off the tongue realizing we are still here
a joy of survival in being able to see another Black person alive
nigga is a way we can hold each other when we need help
or hit each other on the head when we need honesty
nigga is the ultimate fuck you to everything that has been done to us
claiming our immortality
our supremacy
nigga is for Black people alone.
i have learned the power in taking a tool used to destroy you and saying
this is ours now. we’re taking this. you can’t have it.
so know,
don’t ever call me nigga.
unless you mean it.
cause if you ain’t Black
i will rip it from your tongue.
and if you are Black
well, i see you out here.
i love you too
throne / under / bus
hours / bus ride / pass
/ some beds never sleep /
a tweet / slap / attack / two girls
/ one a real / woman never sleep /
bus ride / platform / dress up
/ or nah / immaterial / a body /
not a real / one woman say
/ nah / you wrong / body /
i check / mine / field of vision
/ aware / never sleep / two attacks /
seven didn’t die yets / between
/ states / pass / i / don’t /
fakes never sleep / don’t have the right
/ anatomy / two many heads /
not enough / woman
/ bus ride / over / body /
corpse never sleep
/ must be / that kind /
a woman